Tuesday 26 January 2010

Sundry Mortifications No. 9: The Vulgar Tongue...

There are at least three words in the English language that I will only use in circumstances of extreme provocation...
I consider these words to be the 'sharpest tools in the box' and I don't want to blunt them through over use..
When I was young I didn't hear any words stronger than 'bloody' used in every day speech which left me ill prepared for the days I spent working in a factory...
People (regardless of gender) didn't just swear between words, they swore between syllables..!
Because I was a polite young man, my usual response to any given set of profanity laden instructions was to say "I beg your pardon..?'
This lead to another stream of invective the gist of which seemed to be that I was, somehow, being willfully obtuse...
Today I had occasion to unsheathe the sharpest of my sharp weapons...

I had set about splitting some logs using an old axe head and a hammer...
I ended up with a wobbly wedge of wood that I had to steady with my hand...
I raised the hammer high above my head, it glinted briefly in the watery winter sunshine, I then brought it down with all my might directly on to the thumb of my left hand...

That was eight hours ago and it still hasn't stopped bleeding...
Fortunately I still seem to be able to play the banjo...

5 comments:

Oldfool said...

In 70 years I've had my thumbs look like that as often as not. I can't seem to keep from playing with tools.
I would have said a few (many) bad words indeed only stopping when I was sucking my thumb. Whining and whimpering would be on the agenda for the day.
Thank god the future of banjo playing is still safe.

Glyn said...

Re photo: AUGH GOOD GOD NO!

OutaSpaceMan said...

I can here my late father's words ringing down the years...
"You won't do that again will you..?"

O.S.M.

Glyn said...

According to a book I pulled of my shelf, what your fellow workers were doing was expletive infixation, a sign of linguistic sophistication. It also says this:

Get a bloody move on,
Have some bloody sense.
Learn the bloody art of
Self de-bloody-fence.


(Probably a quote from the Australian I Ching.)

OutaSpaceMan said...

One might infer from your findings that my then co-workers may have been more advanced than I at first assumed..
Surprising then that several of them still hadn't quite got the hang of using eating utensils...
Maybe they were Australian..?