Tuesday 17 August 2010

An Offer It's Difficult To Refuse.

I received this invitation on Sunday.
I have highlighted the sentence that, I believe,  may cause 'difficulty'.
Dear Everyone,
 
Be it known by these presents that there will be a dwyle flunking match between the East Grinstead Hash House Harriers, who describe themselves as a drinking club with a running problem, and The Lewes Arms on Sunday 29th August at Plumpton Agricultural College, Ditchling Road, near Lewes, BN7 3AE starting promptly at 2.30 p.m. The match is part of the celebrations for the Harriers' 1000th Run Weekend.
 
There is free beer for musicians. If you would like to play, let me know so that we get an idea of numbers.
 
For those who have forgotten the full horror of the activity, a summary of the rules:
 
'This ancient and almost mystical sport requires two teams of twelve. They dress themselves in bucolic gear and their kit is inspected by the umpire before play begins. Points are deducted for poor turn-out, such as the absence of twirlers (string tied round trouser legs to keep rats out) and excessively flarksy weskits.
 
The first member of the batting side takes a position next to a bucket of carefully-matured beer in which is a swadger (broom handle) with a dwyle (bar towel) wrapped round the end. At a blast on the umpire's duck whistle, music strikes up and out desperately, and the members of the fielding team join hands and dance round the ‘Batsman’ (or woman) in a girter (circle). The Batsman dances round in the opposite direction. When the umpire blows again the dancing team must immediately stop, but must not break the girter. The Batsman must then flunk (flick) the dwyle at any member of the opposing team. Scoring is one point for a hit on the arms or legs, two for a hit on the body and three for a hit on the head. If they miss, they have to drink a pint straight down in less time than it takes the fielders to pass the swadger from hand to hand round the circle or lose a point. Musicians are protected by heavy fines from being splashed with stale beer and eligible for bribes in the form of free drinks.
 
The Batsman may be fined for hesitation; the fielders may be fined for breaking the circle or moving after the whistle. Anyone may be fined for intimidation. A Batsman who splashes the band or onlookers is fined. A side whose score is weak can improve it by bribing the umpire, scorer or the band with drink, gifts or sexual favours. One year every member of a Lewes Arms team gave the umpire a scented candle, so this is not necessarily as attractive as it might sound. Bribes are declared to the scorer and registered in the score book. At the end of the match the losing side may empty the bucket over the umpire.
 
 This is obviously a pagan survival which has evaded religious persecution by adopting a faintly Christian disguise. Students of folklore will recognize elements from the Grail legends: the Holy Spear, the vinegar-soaked rag and the vessel of bitter drink. The dancers in their circle echo the twelve apostles, but also the members of a coven. The Batsman is a sacrificial victim who spreads blessing in the form of a stylised asperging before being dispatched for the good of the community. The umpire's fate would have originally been ritual drowning, but appears to have been converted to stylised baptism in accordance with the practices of the more modern religion.'

2 comments:

Parkingspaceman said...

Difficulty for whom? Do you perchance include yourself in the category of 'musicians'?

OutaSpaceMan said...

Heaven forfend I should ever subscribe to any 'category' that suggests there might be more than one other in it.

O.S.M. B:52