Monday 16 August 2010

O.S.M. Ind. Protective Headgear.

How many times have you strolled through a public space or seated yourself on public transport, minding your own business, getting along, only to find yourself accosted by people you have never been introduced to wanting to share their trivial life-concerns with you?

This happens to me more often than I would like so, I have developed a stratagem to protect myself and out-wit buffoons who would waste my precious time.

O.S.M. Ind. Protective Headgear System

You will need:

01) A Sleeve from one of your partners long-sleeved t-shirts:
The length can vary but I generally cut from where the sleeve meets the body straight across thus leaving the t-shirt with a fashionable 'cap' sleeve. I then cut off the cuff.

02) A Red Elastic Band:
Not generally available to buy but, here in the U.K., magic pixies litter our streets with them.

Method:

Gather, or 'scrunch' up one end of the sleeve like so:

Keeping tight hold wrap the elastic band round and round the 'scrunch' (N.B. It is important to keep a firm grip of the fabric thus avoiding finger entanglement during this process).
Once finished it should look something like this:



The Finished Item:
I guarantee that wearing this hat in public will give you at least 6 feet (2m) of clear personal space.

Update:
I have found that applying spray starch helps to keep my protective head-gear pointy and perky.

7 comments:

Oldfool said...

It will make shoplifting near impossible without detections.

Frank Key said...

C'est magnifique!

Marrock said...

I use one of these guys, called a Recon Wrap: http://tinyurl.com/29hn6je

It doesn't stand up on it's own or anything but it's great for a myriad of thins, up to and including preventing helmet hair.

Comes in handy in the winter too as a face mask.

OutaSpaceMan said...

Brilliant Mr. Marrock!
That, combined with my product,
should do the trick nicely.

One might also consider sellotaping a slice of raw bacon across the front as a head-band.

O.S.M. B:52

Marrock said...

True, but then you'd need something to keep the gulls at bay.

Anonymous said...

To increase the hat's stranger repelling performance, consider a lining of aluminium foil. It is important that the edge of the foil is just visible around the headband to suggest that the wearer is attempting to conceal a tin foil helmet with the T-shirt sleeve hat.

It will also have the advantage that Zilons from the planet Tharg will not be able to exercise their devious mind control techniques on the wearer. These usually manifest as voices inside the head telling one to do things... bad things.

The tin foil helmet could also have the property of keeping pre-existing voices inside the head, in which case this headgear would not be indicated.

See also: microwave auditory effect

Orlando.

Wartime Housewife said...

I was going to leave a comment, but having read the others, I really feel there's nothing left to add! Well done everyone.